In addition to how our ADHD minds can be going in many different directions at once, sitting down to write or do something of the like, often leaves us drawing a blank.
   Just sitting down to write this blog, I was having that problem. I'm excited to write it, I have many ideas I want to include, but after I compiled the images for the blog I found myself just staring at the empty space not knowing how to begin.

   As we all know, going to college forces you to acquire skills that you haven't acquired already and improve the ones you've had all along. College thrusts responsibility on you, but for many with ADHD they don't have the resources or close relationships that guided them in school before. This is a rude awakening for people who weren't diagnosed until they were in college, like I was.
   These new responsibilities should be embraced positively, allowing you to grow as a self-sufficient person.
   I am one of many individuals that place a high value on education and I believe learning should be life long, but ADHD loves to creep up on me and interfere with any or everything I should be or want to be doing. Many facets of ADHD, like compulsiveness, distractability, difficulty reading, poor time measuring, and/or spaciness make doing what you're supposed to for classes in your free time extremely difficult.  

   So, on to the main point.

   I know what I should be doing overall, but the long list of tasks becomes overwhelming to tackle. Then I decide, well, I've got to start somewhere. So, I whip out my favorite subject, Anatomy & Physiology, and take out paper to take notes.
   The white paper stares back at me and the words in my book seem to be unorganized, confusing, and/or so complicated I become discouraged and overwhelmed. My brain races as I'm compiling information to put in my notes and I find it difficult to only write down the key points instead of the entire text of the chapter.
    I begin and it takes me so long to figure out what to write and then start the first page of my notes that I'm either out of time before my next class, it's time for me to go somewhere or do something with Brennan, or I get hungry, tired, antsy, or any other reason for forcing or tempting me to stop.
   I firmly believe in breaks, but when it takes me so long to do things, I feel like I can't justify a break when I hardly get anything done.

   This problem permeates my other activities as well. For example, it takes me a long time to decide which colors of yarn to choose for a crochet project and what I'm going to wear, and what I'm going to make for dinner.

   All, the while I'm constantly aware of all of the negative consequences my inaction or wrong actions would cause. It's like there's this imaginary mean old teacher scolding me and reminding me of what will happen if I fail. She represents so many people in my life, some whom I've never talked to and some that talk to me often: the school administration, the Nursing school selection committee, my professors, my parents and other family, and . . . . myself.
   Sure, there are times when I feel mostly in control of my life, and I enjoy every minute of that feeling, but most of the time I'm constantly aware of (time to be dramatic!) the IMPENDING DOOM following me around, waiting for me to make a huge mistake.
   It's not that I'm trying to be a Debbie-downer inside my head, but it's just that I'm constantly having to adjust my tasks because of my symptoms. I have to find my way around everything using the unconventional or sometimes the slower route and all of that can be extremely frustrating and exhausting!


   Okay, my rant is finished (for now, MUAH-HA-HA-HA).

   Just like I've read, you have to break lists and tasks into smaller pieces whenever your overwhelmed and take one day at a time.
   This can be easier said than done, but you have to at least try.
   Another thing that can be hard to learn if you weren't diagnosed until college, is when to ask for help. I've never used a tutor in my life (granted my parents and grandmother were always there when I needed help/guidance) and even though I know there's no shame in getting one, I'm still apprehensive and nervous about the idea.
   All I know is, it's time for one, in fact it's long overdue. I need one to keep me accountable week to week and to guide me when I'm totally overwhelmed. (Not because I'm stupid or lazy - the stereotype in the back of my mind.)
   I'm relatively new to my area and thus far, it has proven difficult to make a friend in my classes, for various reasons. So, a tutor will help me study in the meantime and more.

   All of this is a constant process of ups, downs, twists, turns and barricades, but it doesn't have to mean failure.

   "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim." - Dory
   ^^^ Couldn't resist. 

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