Book, Textbook by Jiri Hodan

  Most of the time I have major difficulty reading. Not because its hard and not because what I'm reading is boring. I always try to pick books that I really want to read, especially books by Margaret Atwood. Mid paragraph my mind takes me to random places.

  I wander to this morning, remembering the funny manner of the barista at Starbucks and how I left my headphones at my apartment. Then I realize my eyes have continued reading without me and I have to go back a few sentences.

   I start again.

   "I could picture the smooth oval of Laura's face, her neatly pinned chignon, the dress she would have been wearing: a shirtwaist with a small rounded collar, in a sober colour - navy blue or steel grey or hospital-corridor green."..........I have to remember to call my mom back later...I hope she's doing okay...I miss the other cats at our house...Crap I forgot to take Winnie out....Oh yeah, Brennan did...Wait. I'm reading my book right now.

   Go back.

   "I could picture the smooth oval of Laura's face, her neatly pinned chignon, the dress she would have been wearing: a shirtwaist with a small rounded collar, in a sober colour - navy blue or steel grey or hospital-corridor green. Penitential colours - less like something she'd chosen to put on than like something she'd been locked up in. Her---"

   ...the people over there are way too loud...stop listening to them...my hands feel dry....forgot lotion...i can use chap-stick on my cuticles, though...I have a hang nail...don't chew on it...don't chew on it...chew on it....I shouldn't have chewed on it... And they just keep coming.

   I unconsciously stop and let the thoughts flood my attention. The hangnail reminds me of my mother humorously stopping me from chewing on my nails at Easter dinner. The nail was half-way off and I had to finish it. We joke about nail biting all of the time so I humorously start again and she stops me once more, when my grandmother asks me, "Why are you chewing on your nails?"

   There really is no answer and I'm caught off guard, but it doesn't matter because my father has been talking to my sister and everyone else goes on with the conversation. It's just a habit that started recently, but once I start I can't stop or else the uneven ridges bother me and I can't concentrate on anything else fully, like when my pants are too tight or I feel like I can't get comfortable.

   I feel so immature even though it has nothing to do with maturity.
   Stop. Alright, focus...

   "Her solemn half-smile; the amazed lift of her eyebrows, as if she were admiring the view. The white gloves: a Pontius Pilate gesture. She was washing her hands of me. Of all of us."

   I finally absorb the paragraph but I want a better reading experience and I'm disappointed with how long that took. I contemplate starting the chapter over since I'm not that far in, but I don't because I know I'll just wander off again, especially since I've already read that part.

 So, I don't know why the gif's aren't working in my last post, but here's another Terrible Teacher meme. :)
  GGRRRR!!!! So, here's my meme rant about what I have to deal with in a certain class. I'm thinking this is a relatively healthy way of processing this hair-pulling ridiculousness. This in no way truly conveys how bad it is, but it's a start! lol....I didn't feel like generating my own memes, so I picked Terrible Teacher ones that are relevant and added onto them. Enjoy!


And then she randomly makes a joke and wonders why we're not laughing with her.




Unfortunately for me, it take me 3x as long as everyone else to re-check what she did.



My version: Test is ridiculously hard with unfair questions. Complains about having to figure out which questions not to count and how long it takes to grade them.



My Version: Lectures us like we're adolescents. Treats us like we're already in the medical field and says we're going to kill someone.



Late all the time. Wants an explanation.

"I don't need to know your personal business."

   Throughout the day I have varying levels of motivation. It's so inconsistent and is influenced by so many variables: random stresses of the day, when was the last time I ate, where I am in my cycle, how much sleep I got the night before, how focused I am, and how depressed I feel.

   But then there's my overall level of motivation over the course of a week or two....or three.......or six...lollololol. No but seriously, my motivation just got up and left a few weeks ago. Nothing substantial has changed, but my motivation has. Sure, I'm dealing with the Physiology professor from HELL that makes me feel like I'm back in high school, but if anything that should keep me motivated not to "screw up" and have her on my case, right? (I can't believe I have a professor like this, this late in the game...She treats us all like we're failing whether we are or not and wants an explanation for any short coming...but then tells us she doesn't need to hear our personal business.......really?)
  I've been working on a post full of memes expressing my feelings during class. I'll share it as soon as I'm done.

   But anyways.... How do youget out of your 'no motivation rut?'